Who Was the Colonel’s First Kiss?
by angelicat123
Summary: Ed & Co. have a crazy time trying to discover who the Roy's first kiss was with. Some mild language and a couple perverted jokes. Hints of EdxWin and Royai or RoyxRiza
1. Chapter 1

Who was the Colonel's First Kiss?

Disclaimer: I own Fullmetal Alchemist… in my dreams. In reality, which I oh so hate to come back to, Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa (that's the author's name, right?).

Chapter 1

Edward Elric burst into Colonel Roy Mustang's office, panting, closely followed by Alphonse Elric, clanging into the room as a suit of armor. "Whaddya want, Mustang?" Ed gasped, his chest heaving. Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and Breda stared at the Fullmetal Alchemist, who looked as if he had just been chewed up and spat out. Riza Hawkeye just continued to work, ignoring the interruption of what used to be silence.

Roy calmly looked up from the little tic-tac-toe grid he had doodled on his paperwork. "I need your report from that last mi-" he began to remind the short blond, but was cut off by a screaming female voice coming from the hallway.

"Edward Elric, you come back here and face me like a man!!!! How the hell did you manage to ruin my precious automail again!!!!" Mustang winced at the shrill voice. Seconds later, Winry Rockbell, for of course in was she, burst into the room, wrench in her hand, veins popping on her head.

"Ed, I'm gonna ki-" she growled, before noticing the pairs of eyes staring at her. She blushed furiously, stuttered a "sorry", and hissed out of the corner of her mouth, "You are so dead, bean boy."

The bean boy grew livid. "You take that back, mechanic freak!" he screamed.

"Not until you apologize for breaking my hard work again, midget alchemy freak!" she screamed back. In the background, poor Al pleaded for them to stop, while trying to bow to everyone in the room and apologize for his brother and his friend's behavior.

Riza sighed as the pair continued their little fight. "Will you two please continue your flirting outside?" the Colonel asked over the commotion, "I like my eardrums intact, thanks."

Two glares that would have melted unmeltable things were directed to the man who made that comment. Luckily, the Flame Alchemist was well used to heat, and so took the glares without any response but a calm look and did not drip into a pile of liquefied bubbling flesh.

"Uh, nice to see you, Winry," Hawkeye said to break the burning silence, "What are you doing here at Central?"

Winry blinked, then snapped out of her staring match with Roy. "I came to visit Ed… and Al," she quickly added. Riza suppressed a small smile. Winry continued with a glare towards Ed, "But I came here to find his automail busted up… again."

"Not my fault," Edward grumbled, "That bastard Envy started it all."

"By telling the truth?" Roy asked innocently.

"Huh?" Ed was confused, that emotion evident on his face.

"By telling the truth that you should be called Full-mini instead of Fullmetal?" Mustang finished wickedly.

Steam spewed out of Ed's ears and nose. "Why you bastard Colon-" But was stopped by a wrench connecting with his skull with a sickening crack (Riza noticed that lots of people's sentences were being cut off today).

"You ruined my poor automail for that?!" Winry shrieked, walking to Ed and bending to retrieve her wrench. Ed groaned, rubbing his poor head. Roy sighed with an annoyed look, and rubbed his temples. He could feel the beginnings of a headache coming.

"Ok, Fullmetal, kiss the girl and make up so we can get back to the mission," the Colonel stated impatiently.

"You started it, ba-" Ed hissed, hoisting himself up with the help of his little brother, before what Mustang said fully registered in his brain (another sentence cut off, Riza noted). His face turned the same color as his coat, just as the same happened to Winry.

"K-k-kis-s?!" Ed spluttered. Roy raised his eyebrows.

"Surely you've kissed a girl before," he pointed out, "You are, what, 15 or 16 years old. And I'm sure not every girl has turned you down because you're vertically challenged." Ed was so embarrassed he didn't comment on the jibe about his height. Roy took one look at the Fullmetal Alchemist's tomato face, then smirked.

"So, you haven't had a first kiss yet?" Mustang chuckled. Edward, if possible, turned redder.

Maes Hughes, being Maes Hughes, had chosen that moment to open the door and enter the room. "Really, Ed?" he asked, "You haven't kissed a girl? Not even Winry?" Ed turned even redder.

"No," the alchemist replied shortly, "And why would I kiss Winry?" He turned to face the Colonel, who was still chuckling. "And just because you go around kissing any random woman on the street doesn't mean everyone does," Ed growled through gritted teeth.

Another silence formed, broken by an occasional chuckle from the Colonel. Hughes was suppressing the urge to chuckle along with his best friend.

"Um, Colonel Mustang sir," Al inquired nervously, saying something to make some noise in the room besides Roy's laughter, "Who was you're first kiss?"

That made Roy freeze in mid-chuckle. Winry noted with interest that Lieutenant Hawkeye stiffened as well. Maes looked surprised, then devilishly sly. The silence became thicker.

"Um, not to be nosey or anything," Al said hastily, "Just, well, uh, well, you… you can't have just picked some random woman off the streets to be your first kiss," he finished lamely.

"Knowing the Colonel, it probably was," Havoc murmured under his breath through the usual cigarette clamped between his teeth.

"Well, that woman must have been important to him in some way," Al protested, "First kisses are always important."

"My first kiss is of no importance," Roy stated flatly, startling the members of the room. He was staring at his best friend Hughes the whole time. Well, glaring is a more appropriate word. Maes shriveled under that gaze, and everyone else looked at the two best friends, confused. The two seemed to be having a telepathic argument, Roy doing most of the arguing.

"You don't even know that woman, anyways," Mustang finished, turning around to face his audience. Behind him, Maes silently protested that statement with vigorous shakes of his head. He immediately stopped and tried to look as innocent as his daughter when Roy turned around to face him again, obviously suspicious. "Maes, don't you dare tell," he ordered, "Or you shall find yourself a nice pair of fried, crispy peanuts." Hughes' eyes widened at the threat, and he nodded furiously. To further prove his point, he motioned zipping up his lips and throwing the key away. One hand was conveniently covering the threatened area. The Colonel nodded back, satisified.

Al, Ed, and Winry traded glances. So did Fuery, Falman, Breda, and Havoc. "So," they all thought, "the Colonel's first kiss is with someone we know. Who could she be?"

And thus began "The Quest to Discover: Who was the Colonel's First Kiss With?"

End of Ch 1

SPOILER: Maes shall not die in this story! Maes should not have died in the real story! Go Hughes!

Reviews are loved! Reviewers are worshiped! I like to know my stories are being read.

Angelicat: Hey, sorry, I know Mustang's first kiss is really obvious, but oh well. It'll be interesting to see how Ed & Co. try to find out who the woman is. If I can think of ways for them to try before discovering the truth. That'll be a bit of a problem…

Ed: It's obvious?!?! Tell me, tell me!! jumps up and down

Angelicat: What would be the fun in that?

Chibi-Chena-Chan (CCC): Why do I have to be here?

Angelicat: So I can have one more person to torture.

CCC, sarcastically: Oh thanks. You're such a great friend.

Angelicat, beaming, Ed still jumping in background: Thanks, I know.

Ed: WHO WAS THE COLONEL'S FIRST KISS!?!?!?! TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Angelicat: No. And if you keep screaming, I'll bring Winry and her wrench in here.

Ed: shuts up


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The afternoon passed discussing (aka arguing about) the mission, but with less commotion than there would've been, due to Roy's uncommon grumpiness and void of Ed-is-short jokes, as well as the rest of the gang's silent thinking (aka trying to guess who the Colenel's first kiss was). As soon as Mustang dismissed Edward, Ed rushed out along with Winry and a trailing Alphonse to Maes' office. The lower-ranked military soldiers glanced at each other, and then all rose from their seats and paperwork at the same time.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Breda announced quickly.

"I need to get another pack of cigarettes," Havoc added, too innocently.

"I… I," Falman stuttered nervously, "I, uh, gotta go to the restroom as well."

"Um… I need a break, so… so I'm gonna go play with Black Hayate," Fuery said guiltily.

They all backed away as a vein bulged in Roy's head. The Colonel wasn't stupid; he knew very well that Alphonse's innocent question had sparked their curiosity. No doubt they would go to ask Hughes. "But Maes knows what'll happen to him if he tells," Mustang thought grimly, "So, my friend, if you want to have any more children, you'd better keep you blabbering mouth shut."

Roy sighed. If his nosy little subordinates didn't go to Maes' office now to ask, they would still question the man eventually. "Might as well let them go now," Roy decided. He waved his hands in dismissal, and before he had the chance to even put his hand down, the dismissed soldiers zoomed out of the room, with a trailing, sighing Fuery holding a curious Black Hayate as he trotted to keep up with his crazy colleagues.

Riza and Roy were left in the silent room alone. As the Colonel began to doodle another tic-tac-toe on a paper, Hawkeye said quietly, "Get to work, sir."

Mustang made a face. "Can't I have a break? Who says I have to spend all my time signing these stupid papers?" he whined, then immediately started to furiously sign the stupid papers as his First Lieutenant calmly cocked her gun and relied, "My gun says so." For a while, the only sound was the scratching of pens on paper.

"You don't think they'll find out, do you?" Riza asked suddenly. Mustang froze in surprise, then relaxed.

"Maes won't tell, if that's what you're asking," he replied breezily, "So they'll just have to give up." Riza gave him a look. "Ok," Roy finally said, "They definitely won't give up until they find out. But they never will."

"They'd better not," Hawkeye grunted grimly, returning her attention to her paperwork, "If they don't want bullets embedded into their flesh at strategic points in their body."

Roy chuckled, then made another face as Riza said to him, "Now get back to work, sir."

End of Ch 2

Remember, reviews are loved, reviewers are worshiped!

Anglicat: Hiya! Sorry, this chapter's pretty short and nothing much happens. Coming up next, interrogation of Hughes and appearance of Armstrong!

Maes, squeezes in the dialogue: Hello, all my wonderful Elysia-fans out there! I have some new pictures for you all!

CCC: Go away, Hughes.

Maes: But don't you want to see these beautiful pictures of my darling angel?

CCC: No. Now go away before I cut up all your precious pictures.

Maes zooms away, faster than the speed of light

Princess Linnea, out of nowhere: Why do I have to be here? I don't even understand your story because I don't even know what Fullmetal Alchemist is.

Angelicat: You're here because I need more company besides these character freaks. And all you need to know about Fullmetal Alchemist is that it's about a short alchemist guy.

Ed, out of nowhere: I'M NOT SHORT! YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST UNNATURALLY TALL!!!

Princess Linnea: scoots away from raving Ed … um… I think I'll be going now…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Maes Hughes leaned back in his chair, his feet layed lazily on his office desk.

"… 4… 3… 2… and 1," he thought, and as he got to the number one, Ed creaked open the door, with Winry an Alphonse right behind. They peaked in to make sure no one else but Hughes was in the room, then suddenly fell forward onto their faces as Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and Breda burst into the room, pushing them. Al just happened to fall upon the blonde boy and girl.

Maes smiled languidly. "Hello, boys," he drawled, then added, "And girl," upon seeing Winry wriggle out from under Alphonse, get up, and dust herself. Edward flailed his arms and legs, yelling, "Dammit, Al, get the hell offa me!"

"Sorry, brother!" Al said apologetically, and heaved his armor off of his short brother. Just as Ed got up and opened his mouth to speak, Hughes cut in.

"Roy'll kill me if I tell," he stated bluntly, "So you guys'll have to find another way to find out."

"Is there another way?" Fuery asked nervously. He was sincerely hoping no, so his coworkers could stop this wild goose chase.

"Well," Maes pondered, "I'm sure Lieutenant Hawkeye knows, seeing she's known Roy since they were way back when. But she's completely loyal to him; she won't tell. Maybe Ms. Mustang knows… Roy's father is dead," he added, "Maybe you could trick 'ol Mustang to tell you somehow."

Winry frowned. Maes had gotten that devilish glint in his eye when he mentioned Riza. "And she looked really uncomfortable, almost angry, when this whole kiss thing about the Colonel was mentioned," Winry thought, "Is she jealous or something?"

Her train of thought was broken as Hughes waved his hand at them. "Shoo now," he tutted, "I need to get back to work. Unless…" his eyes brightened and a huge grin grew on his face, "You want to see pictures of Elysia, don't you!"

But before he could even whip out his pile of pictures waiting in the corner of his office, Mustang's subordinates, Winry, and the Elric brothers ran out of the room so fast they seemed to have disappeared. Maes smiled satisfactorily.

Outside of Maes' office, the group was conducting a heated whisper on ideas of how to figure out Roy's first kiss.

"Maybe he kept a diary or something when he was young, and recorded it," Fuery suggested hopefully.

Breda snorted. "Yeah, and while we're at it, I'll suggest Havoc dresses up as a pretty woman and get the Colonel to tell his first kiss." Havoc glared.

As fate would have it, Armstrong had just turned the corner to hear Breda's suggestion. His face lit up.

"Ah, nosing into the love affairs of your superiors, eh," he boomed, making the group jump three feet into the air. "In this area, I have great expertise!" he continued, striking a pose with sparklies floating around his face, "Leave this up to me! I shall certainly find a way to get the Colonel to tell his first kiss! The art of finding out secrets has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations! Ah, the innocence of young love!"

Sweat drops appeared on the group's heads'. This was not going to be good.

"I'm sure," Armstrong cried, eyes glinting, "That Second Lieutenant Breda's suggestion is a marvelous idea. Therefore, I shall dress up as a beautiful woman and woo the Colonel into giving up his closely guarded secret!" Armstrong tears off his clothes, revealing a dress (don't ask the authoress how that's possible).

As Armstrong tried to strike feminine poses, Havoc gaped. Armstrong looked stunningly similar to what Havoc had imagined Armstrong's sister to look like: a huge, muscular woman with a mustache in a dress.

Winry, Ed, and Fuery fainted. Falman, Breda, and Havoc were quite close to fainting, as Alphonse would've been if he could've fainted.

"The horror, the horror!" the men left standing cried out in fright.

"What's all that commotion out there?" wondered Maes from inside his office.

End of Ch 3

Reviews, reviews, are such a delight, the more you send, the more I write!

Angelicat: Don't you just love that little rhyme up there about rev-

Armstrong, crying and sparkling (everyone else: nooooooo!), still in a dress: Ah! What wonderful poetry! Why, I am quite a good poet myself. My poetry meets up to everyone's expectations, for poetry has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!

CCC, with narrowed eyes: Hey, oh wondrous friend of mine, could you get that giant freak outta here?

Armstrong: No, I am not giant! Women are not giant, and since I am masquerading as a beautiful female to persuade Colonel Mustang to tell his first kiss, I am not giant!

CCC rolls eyes.

Armstrong: I must practice being feminine!

Armstrong starts prancing through flowers that suddenly appear. Havoc appears and thinks he's gone crazy; Armstrong looks exactly like his image of Armstrong's sister, prancing through flowers and causing earthquakes while at it. But Armstrong trips, and falls…

CCC looks up at the large shadow suddenly looming over her, and her eyes widen.

CCC: EEEEEEEEEEEE-

Smoosh! Armstrong falls on CCC, creating a Chibi-Chena-Chan pancake!

CCC: -EK!

Angelicat, eyes wide It was good knowing you, 'ol buddy…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

An hour of persuading was needed to convince Armstrong that his aid in the search was not needed, the persuasion becoming even more persistent when Armstrong, remembering Roy's love of miniskirts, went and changed into one to "better woo Colonel Mustang!"

"I need to wash my eyes out," Ed moaned pitifully, after waking up from his faint to see Armstrong pirouetting in a short miniskirt. Winry nodded vehemently, her hands covering her eyes.

Finally the Major was persuaded, and the tired group broke up, agreeing to meet at the park at 4 in the afternoon to discuss further plans. Without Armstrong. Breda, Fuery, Falman, and Havoc shuffled tiredly back to their apartments, and Winry followed Ed and Al to theirs'.

Unknown to them, Roy had sneaked out of his office (giving the excuse to Hawkeye that he was checking to make sure the group did not venture too close to the truth of the secret) and had peeked around the corner to see Armstrong dancing in a miniskirt. One glance was enough to make his rub his eyes for 5 minutes straight, trying to erase the image out of his mind.

Riza gave him an odd look when Mustang returned ten minutes after he left. She had assumed he would probably spend an hour away from the office. She was even more surprised when he walked to his desk and immediately started to do his paperwork.

"Sir?" she asked hesitantly, "You came back quite soon…"

"So would you," Roy replied shortly, "If you turned a corner to spy on them and instead see Armstrong fluttering around in a miniskirt."

Hawkeye's eyes widened, and instinctively she raised her hands to rub them. Then she too went back to her paperwork, trying to push away her imagination's image of the Major in a miniskirt.

Mustang shook his head at himself. He would have never thought there would come a time when he would be thankful for paperwork, even as a distraction to a horrible image. Of course, he would have never thought he would see Armstrong in a miniskirt, and had never anticipated his subordinates getting interested in the subject of his first kiss.

Dammit, he swore softly to himself. Life just loved throwing surprises at his, didn't it?

End of Ch 4

ReViEwS! rEvIeWs! REVIEWS!

Angelicat: I want to mention my thanks to Malicious-Alchemist for the miniskirt idea! And sorry this chapter is short and, like chapter 2, nothing much happens…

CCC: And I want to mention that anyone who wants to may attend Angelicat's funeral that's going to occur very soon!

Angelicat: Wha?

CCC: I'm gonna kill you for putting that image of Armstrong in a miniskirt in my head!

Angelicat, scoots away nervously: N-no! B-but it was all M-malicious-Alchemist's idea!

CCC: You're the one that decided to use it. Now stop scooting away and let me poke you to death! Muhahahaha!

Silver Serpent19: Oooooh! That sounds like fun, lemme join!

Princess Linnea: Poor, poor Angelicat…

Mustang, Ed, Winry, Falman, Havoc, and Breda (Al and Fuery are too nice for this): Yes, yes, kill the author for submitting us to such torture!

Angelicat is chased by storming mob of vicious murderers, and they become smaller and smaller as they run towards the glorious sunset…

Princess Linnea, Al, and Fuery: …


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"I hear Mrs. Mustang's coming to visit her son this weekend," Havoc commented, leaning against a large tree to shade himself from the sun. Roy's military subordinates had all managed to escape from the office to the park, trailing weak excuses. Their leaving was sent off by glares from the Colonel and icy stares from his First Lieutenant.

"What's she like?" Edward asked, lying on the lush grass next to the path. Al sat next to him, with Winry on Ed's other side.

"She's nice," Fuery supplied, "A bit snappy, and quite demanding sometimes."

Havoc grinned. "Whenever she's around, Mustang has to lay low on the dating," he chortled happily, "Mrs. Mustang doesn't approve of him jumping from one woman to the next. Like Hughes, she wants her son to settle down with a wife."

Breda snorted.

"And I suppose you're happy about that because you may finally get to keep your new girlfriend for more than three days?" Falman asked wryly, chuckling.

"Well, yeah," Havoc said, then sputtered. "Hey! I'll have you know Trixy and I have been dating for a week now!" he yelled, pink-faced.

"Trixy?" Winry raised her eyebrows at the odd name.

"Yes, Trixy," Havoc replied, blushing angrily. "Not as strange as the name Winry, though," he added defensively, then immediately regretted opening his mouth.

Steam fumed from Winry's ears, and veins popped all over her head. "What… did… you… say… about… my… name?" she growled, her eyes seemingly glowing with malice. Ed's eyes widened, and he quickly scooted away from her. She whipped out her wrench from nowhere and raised it, ready to strike.

"It's so nice to see Winry beating another person with that wrench besides me," Ed whispered to Al. Al chuckled, but shook his head sadly at the cowering Havoc. "Poor Havoc's gonna get it bad," he thought sadly.

(A/N: The following scene has been edited from this story due to extreme violence and bloodshed.)

It was decided that one of the group members would ask Mrs. Mustang about her son's first kiss. They would've drawn straws to pick the doomed person at that time, but decided not to since Havoc wasn't in good enough shape to even choose his straw.

Fuery sighed pitifully at the bloody, torn up mound that was Havoc. Breda got the job of carrying the poor, unconscious man back to the office. Ed, Al, and Winry headed to the stores to do some shopping. Or Winry shopping, and Ed moaning for having to pay all the expenses.

"What happened?" Hawkeye asked, alarmed, when the group trudged back into the office.

"Well," Falman muttered uncomfortably, "Havoc got kinda beat up because he said Winry's name was weird…"

Riza sighed in annoyance. "Take him to the infirmary," she said tiredly. Breda and Falman turned to drag Havoc to the designated place, while Fuery agreed to Hawkeye's request to walk Black Hayate.

Turning her head, she was greeted by the sight of a snoring Roy slumped on his desk behind stacks of unfinished paperwork.

"Hey," he mumbled in his sleep. Riza resisted an urge to smile. He looked so cute when he was like that…

"Scarlet," he continued, drool dribbling down from his mouth, "Are you free on Saturday at 6?"

Veins popped over Hawkeye's head. "Definitely _not_ cute," she thought vehemently, then started. Since when had she started to think of her superior officer as _cute_?!

Ignoring the strange thoughts flying in her mind, she calmly drew her gun and cocked it. The small clicking noise was very familiar to Roy, and his head immediately jerked up, raising his hands in defense. "I'm doing my paperwork!" he yelled, "Don't shoot me, Hawkeye!"

Riza smiled, satisfied, and was about to put away the gun when she realized the Colonel was still asleep, even when he yelled that statement. She got madder, and fired a bullet dangerously near his head, snipping of a small lock of black hair while at it.

At this, Mustang woke up. Upon seeing Riza's furious face and the smoking gun in her hands, he went back to signing papers without delay.

Secretly, he smiled to himself. He would never even admit it, but she looked kinda cute when she was mad like that.

End of Ch 5

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveiws!

Angelicat: Heya! Longer chappie this time, but still not much going on… IT'S THIS STUPID WRITER'S BLOCK I GOT, I TELL YOU!!!!! I hope the next chapter'll be better…

CCC: Bleh, why do you have to include that mush about Roy thinking Riza looked cute and Riza thinking Roy looked cute? Anyways, Hawkeye would never ever think that…

Angelicat: Well, you're right about Riza. She's kinda OOC (out of character, I think that means)… but hey, she still has her gun, so she's still Hawkeye!

In the background, Riza raises her smoking gun menacingly and grins evilly.

Princess Linnea squeaks: Don't shoot me! I'm innocent, I tell you!

Silver Serpent19: Oooooh! A gun! Let me play with it!

Silver Serpent19 grabs gun, and somehow accidentally gets it to explode into a potato (… don't ask…).

Riza, furious: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! My gun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Roy, dear!" Marilen Mustang exclaimed happily with open arms. They were at the train station, ready to take Ms. Mustang back to her hotel room.

"It's good to see you, mom," Roy replied warmly, giving his mother a warm embrace.

She smiled, looked around, and her eyes fell on Maes. "Maes," she cried, "Good to see your doing well. Being a husband and father suits you well."

As she said this, her eyes shot a glare towards Roy, who rolled his eyes once his bachelor-hating mother returned her eyes to the Hughes family.

"And Gracia! Oh! My, my," Ms. Mustang exclaimed as her eyes fell on Elysia, who clutched her mother's skirts shyly, "Who is this little girl? Is that you, Elysia? You've grown up so much!"

Elysia grinned cutely, and held up five fingers proudly. "I'm five now, Grandma Mary!" she announced, using her nickname for Ms. Mustang.

Marilen went on to greet Havoc, Fuery, Falman, Armstrong, and Breda, all of which whom she knew quite well. Then she saw Ed, Winry, and Al, standing rather hesitantly, half hidden by Armstrong's big bulk.

"I'm guessing you're Ed and Al? And you must be Winry." she said kindly to them. "Roy's written about all of you quite a bit." She gave a wry smile. "You aren't as short as Roy makes you sound," she told Ed.

Winry muffled a laugh as Ed stiffened at those words, but grabbed his arm in a tight grip, warning him not to attack Roy's mother and get on her bad side. After all, it was Winry who had to ask the woman who the Colonel's first kiss was.

"Just my luck," Winry thought grouchily, "I just had to pick that $#& straw that was &#$ shorter than all the !$ others."

-----------------

Winry was in a bad mood. She stomped down the street, scowling fiercely, recalling the conversation that had happened earlier in the afternoon.

"Roy's first kiss?" Marilen had repeated in surprise, a smile twitching at the edge of her lips at Winry blushing face.

"Well, I should have expected to be asked that question," Marilen chuckled (Winry started in surprise, confused), "You see, Roy called me yesterday before I left, warning about this nonsense plot by Havoc and the rest of the men to find out who his first kiss was. He stated clearly not to tell who she was, no matter what. Normally, I would tell, considering it doesn't seem to matter much, but he did give a pretty good reason for me not to tell. To tell you the truth, I wasn't expecting someone to actually ask, least of all you."

Winry drooped. True, she wasn't as enthusiastic about this whole plot to begin with, but she admittedly was curious.

"What was the reason the Colonel gave?" Winry asked.

"Well now," Marilen smiled, "I can't tell you that. Else wise that give it right away."

And that brought Winry to where she was now. Added to that, she had found out upon returning to Ed and Al's apartment that Ed had eaten the last of the edible food in the fridge, so she was now heading to the market to buy something for dinner. Unable to take her fury out on anyone else, she had beat up Ed quite badly with her infamous wrench. "Come to think of it, he's probably waking up just now…" Winry mused, "Serves that glutton right."

She noticed she was approaching Hughes' house, and saw little Elysia on the sidewalk, drawing little doodles on the cement with colorful pieces of chalk. Maes then walked out the door and picked her up, ready to take her back in the house. He then saw Winry, and an evil glint appeared it his eyes (or over his glasses, whatever). Winry shivered and unconsciously started to scoot away.

"Winry," Maes cried, holding out on arm that wasn't carrying Elysia, "Do come in for a moment! Gracia has just made some delicious apple pie, and I have some pictures of Elysia I want you to see!"

"N-no, that's okay," Winry stuttered, trying to smile sincerely, "I need to go shopping for food, 'cause Ed ate all the foo -"

"Well, then," Maes beamed, "That's perfect! You can bring some of Gracia's wonderful apple pie home with you, and see some pictures of Elysia while you're at it!"

Winry had no choice but to go inside the house with Hughes (she was almost dragged). Gracia's apple pie was excellent, as was expected, but it was the part after that she dreaded.

"Here's Elysia, three months old, and already looking like a little angel," Maes cooed, waving a dusty picture in front of Winry's face.

She groaned under her breath. She should've expected Hughes' attic to be full of boxes and boxes of pictures. Maes continued to ramble about his little daughter, but Winry's attention wandered to a small dusty box half open with some pictures sticking out. Hesitantly, she quickly snatched one and glanced at it, then froze in surprise at the frozen image she held in her hands.

"-and isn't she just the cutest?!" Maes continued, gushing, then stopped as he noticed Winry's stiff posture, "Winry?"

"O-oh," she stammered, smiling shakily, quickly sliding the picture into her pocket, "N-nothing. I b-better go now… uh… E-Ed'll be hungry."

End of Ch 6

Please, if you read this story and appreciate this humble authoress' writing, then review!!!

Angelicat: Oh ho ho! A cliffhanger! Actually, I didn't exactly plan to write one, but this is actually just me being lazy.

Roy, grinning and panting like a dog: Is the next chapter when I woo Riza into marrying me?

Angelicat: Now where did you get that idea?

Roy: Well, this is supposed to be Royai, you know!

Angelicat: I suppose… well then. I'll put it this way. If you're gonna woo Hawkeye, you need some practice first. And what better girl to practice on than… Chibi-Chena-Chan! If you can woo her, you can woo anyone. So here's the deal. If you can woo her into just one date, I'll make it so you and Riza marry in the end!

Roy: Very well, I accept your challenge! With my wonderful looks and reputation, not to mention modesty and humbleness, I shall easily be able to woo CCC!

Roy saunters over to CCC, who is currently sitting in a chair reading a book. CCC is, after all, an avid bookworm, like Angelicat. However, Roy doesn't know she doesn't like to be disturbed while reading…

Roy: Why, hello! What is a beautiful girl such as you doing all alone here?

CCC looks up and glares: I was alone here reading and enjoying myself. And I would like to keep it that way.

Roy: Reading? Why, I love to read as well! What book is it? A romantic classic, maybe Romeo and Juliet? Ah, the love that throbs between them always moves me so deeply!

CCC, sighing in exasperation: I said I was alone and would like to keep it that way. So shoo now, before I get really mad and stab you with my foil (A/N: CCC does fencing, in which the long, sharp, 3-foot sword that is used is called a foil. Poor innocent Angelicat has been threatened with it many a time.)

Roy: Ah, playing hard to get, I see.

Random computer voice thingy: CCC is now angry. Colonel Roy Mustang shall be stabbed in 5… 4…

Roy: Wah?!?!

Random computer voice thingy (RCVT): 3… 2…

Roy backs away.

RCVT: …1

CCC whips out foil from nowhere, and positions it to stab Roy.

Roy: Aaaaah! It's Riza's twin, except with a sword, not a gun! Run away!

And the silhouette of CCC chases Roy into the distant sunset…

Angelicat grins: Ah, young love.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

When Winry arrived back at Ed and Al's apartment, she carried a plate with tinfoil wrapped around it, which, to Ed's delight, contained Gracia's apple pie. Winry also clutched a picture in her hand, debating in her head whether to show it to Ed and Al. Her answer was decided for her when Al noticed it.

"Hey," he inquired with his boyish, eerily echoing voice, "What's that you got in your hand, Winry?"

"W-wha?" Winry stuttered in surprise, "Oh, th-this? Well…" She shifted uncomfortably, then resignedly handed the picture over.

Al took it, and took a look at the glossy piece of paper. And fell over it a dead faint (Winry wondered a suit of armor with only a soul could even do that… well, she thought, considering what just happened, I think the answer is yes.)

"Al?" Ed yelled in alarm, running to his brother and leaving his precious, half-gone slice of apple pie. He wiggled the picture from between Al's tightly clutched fingers, and as soon as his brain made out what it was of, he almost fainted himself. And then, he grinned evilly.

"Winry, this if perfect!" Edward yelled in delight, doing a little jig around the apartment room.

"Um… perfect?" Winry asked him, confused. She really would prefer he stop dancing…

"Perfect blackmail!" the Fullmetal Alchemist answered, his eyes glinting with malice and thoughts of revenge.

"Blackmail?" the blonde girl cried, "Ed, don't you dare. They'll get in so much trouble!"

"Who'll get in so much trouble?" came a drawling voice from the doorway. The two occupants of the room who were actually conscious jumped in alarm, then relaxed when they recognized that voice.

"Second Lieutenant Havoc," Ed asked as he opened the door, "What're you doing here?"

"Colonel asked me to give you your next mission brief," he grunted in reply, entering the warm room, away from the chilly autumn evening air. He handed an envelope to Edward.

"Why that bastard," Ed swore loudly and angrily, "Giving me another mission as soon as I come back from one!"

Al, who had awoken, grinned (or appeared to grin, seeing as suits of armor can't smile).

"Ed's just bummed he has to go on another mission while Winry's here," Al explained slyly.

"AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!" Ed roared, jumping up to tackle his younger brother. It was a stupid thing to do, seeing as he clanged headfirst into the very hard suit of armor, leaving him with, at the least, a very large bruise on his forehead.

Havoc snorted. Being messenger boy for the Colonel did not suit him well, and left him quite grumpy. "Anyways," he continued surly, "Who'll get in so much trouble?"

Ed shot Winry a questioning glance, to which she replied with a shrug. They did want to know the answer, after all, and would probably find out sooner or later…

Havoc was handed the picture. He froze. And blinked rapidly three times in succession. His smoking cigarette fell to the ground.

And then he zoomed out the door into the street.

"Hey," Edward yelled, starting to run after him with Winry not far behind, "Havoc! Where are you going with that?"

"I've gotta go show this to the rest of the gang," was the reply, "They just gotta see this, they'll never believe it! Heck, I don't think I believe it!"

----------------

The gang believed it (after all, most of them were involved in the ongoing bet of when those two were going to get together). As soon as they saw the picture, Havoc, Ed and Breda, the more rowdy of the group, got right to work, figuring out how this could be used to their advantage.

----------------

The next day, Mustang and Hawkeye walked into the room to find an enlarged photo of the picture taped to the wall. As smart people should, the gang decided not to be in the room when the two saw the picture. And as stupid people should, they decided to look through the doorway to see the two military officers' reactions.

Needless to say, there was a lot of gunfire and smoke that day.

----------------

Maes, being Maes, walked into Mustang's office as he and Riza were chasing the gang through the hallways. He stared at the large picture that covered most of one wall.

It was rather pixelly, but one could easily make out the photo.

Maes blinked.

"Oops," he said to himself, "How'd they get that picture? It was strictly confidential in my attic… ah." He remembered Winry in his attic while he showed her his precious pictures of Elysia…

"Why, that little devil," Maes muttered, strolling quickly out of Roy's office. He decided he would conveniently have plans to take today off. Elsewise, he would return home (or not return home at all) roasted and sizzling…

----------------

Back in the office, Black Hayate looked up at the large picture on the wall.

In it, a blonde girl, not more than 7 to 9 years old, sat on a grassy field facing the person next to her. That person happened to be a handsome, black-haired boy, who was sitting and leaning over towards her. The blonde girl had a look of utter surprise on her face, while the boy looked a bit nervous.

And the black-haired boy was giving a hesitant kiss to the blonde, rust-eyed girl. The lips barely touched, but it was a kiss.

And below the picture, in a messy scrawl undoubtedly Hughes' handwriting (it looked like it hadn't changed since he was young), were the words: _Omg! Roy's first kiss with his teacher's trigger-happy daughter! I wonder if her father will kill Roy first, or will Riza?_

Fin

Whew, last chappie, up and done. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!! It might give the inspiration to write a sequel, or maybe a sequel of sorts… I didn't like the ending of this, it just doesn't seem complete. Oh, and just mentioning, I was following the FMA manga when I mention that Riza was the daughter of Roy's fire alchemy teacher.

The real CCC's in Korea right now (on a long vacation over winter break) and I'm lonely already, even though she's leaving tomorrow… And the teachers are evil and have allied together to kill off the students before winter break, giving tons of tests and stuff. How evil.

Angelicat: Celebrate! Let's have an end-of-the-story party!

Roy, shoving glasses of wine into everyone's hands: Drinks all around! Drink up, drink up!

Princess Linnea: B-but we're minors!

Roy: Ah, that's all right. It's a celebration, loosen up!

CCC: Why are _you_ so happy? You never did marry Hawekeye in the end, like you wanted to…

Roy: Aaaaah! That's right! Wait, Ms. Author Person, you can't end the story yet! Listen to this little lady right here; I haven't married Riza yet!

Angelicat: Well, you didn't get Chibi-Chena-Chan to fall for you, so according to the bet, I don't have to end this story even cheesier than it is by having you and Hawkeye marry.

Roy, drooping and depressed: B… but… wait! I believe you mentioned there might be a sequel! Then Riza and I shall have our heart-warming love story in the next story!

Angelicat: Um… well, if I write a sequel of sorts, which I may or may not, it'll probably be about Ed and Winry…

Ed: Muhahaha! Sucks for you, Colonel Bastard!

Roy: So, your next story will be about some shorty half-metal idiot?!?!

Ed: Why yoooooooooooooooouuuuuuu!!!!!!!! Who're you calling so short that they're 2-dimensional?!?! (A/N: I got that from Princess Linnea, who got it from some FMA profile book… it was so funny, I just had to include it.)

And everyone gets drunk and Ed is chasing (more like tottering around) Roy, Riza drinks a bit too much and starts firing shots, Armstrong and Breda team up and put on a show in which they both take off their shirts and show off their muscles, Armstrong gets reeaaaaalllly drunk and puts on a bikini (to the horror of the other occupants in the room, resulting in temporary blindness for many), Black Hayate decides to chase Breda around the room, Winry is chasing Ed with her wrench, Angelicat and Linnea are both sitting around, hiccupping and grinning stupidly, and, looking around at the pandemonium, CCC decides she would like her story self to be transported to Korea along with her real self. And Silver Snake comes in and wonders what the hell is going on, and who are all these weird peoples.

Oh, and I would like to say thank you to all my reviewers!! Couldn't finish this without your support!!


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